so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize