You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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