First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
