if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
