I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
