all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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