every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
