Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
