I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
