Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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