Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
