I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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