i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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