i was born a porn star she said
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
