Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
