apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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