They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
