At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
