he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Boobs are out for the taking
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
