I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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