If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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