I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
