What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
