singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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