remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
