so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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