its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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