Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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