i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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