It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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