Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
