the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
