Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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