So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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