Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
