it glows. i had to have it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
