I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
