You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
