tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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