You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
