you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
