They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drake has all the answers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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