Its about making memories worth repressing
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
