I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
