My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
