Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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