Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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