There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
