VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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