Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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