i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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