Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
