oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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