ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a search helicopter?!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
