I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
