It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
