i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
