Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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