I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
