All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
