he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.