idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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