I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
