I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize