I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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