oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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