Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
