Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
