I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
