Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
