I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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