The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
