ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
