I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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