I think my vagina is haunted
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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