my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
