i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
